Embracing Wholeness: A Journey Through Growth and Transformation

Human development doesn’t end when we reach adulthood. Psychologists and spiritual teachers alike affirm that we continue to grow — psychologically, spiritually, and emotionally — throughout our lives. Yet when that growth involves questioning the very beliefs, roles, and identities that once gave us security, it can feel like a crisis.

What if, instead, this “crisis” is an invitation to deeper wholeness?

In our recent conversation with therapist, speaker, and podcaster Valerie Hamaker, she shared profound insights about the psychology of faith, personal growth, and wholeness — and how embracing life’s complexities can lead us to profound transformation.

Growth Beyond the Map

Psychological development doesn’t stop at adulthood. Just as children crawl, walk, and run in stages, adults move through stages of cognitive, emotional, and spiritual maturity. Valerie described how “the terrain ceases to match the map” — when the stories and structures we inherited from family, culture, or faith no longer fit our lived experience.

This dissonance often sparks what some call a faith crisis, but psychologists frame it as a developmental progression — an inevitable part of human growth. When the “map” fails, we’re invited to make our own. This process requires courage, self-compassion, and tolerance for uncertainty.

The Faith Journey as Development

Valerie explained that what many experience as a spiritual crisis is actually a normal, healthy stage of development. Drawing from James Fowler’s Stages of Faith and Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Development, she noted that spiritual and psychological growth are layered and intertwined.

We begin by leaning on external authority — parents, church leaders, cultural norms — to tell us who we are and what to believe. This is developmentally appropriate at first. But for some, life eventually presents a challenge — a loved one comes out as LGBTQ+, a tragedy strikes, or a long-held belief unravels. They are then forced to wrestle with questions that cannot be answered by their previous frameworks.

Rather than signaling failure, this wrestling is a marker of growth. It’s the moment when inner authority begins to emerge, and self-trust develops.

From Enmeshment to Differentiation

A critical concept Valerie emphasized is differentiation — the ability to define and hold onto your own identity while remaining connected to others.

Many family and faith systems, especially those influenced by patriarchal and hierarchical traditions, can become enmeshed: boundaries blur, individuality feels threatening, and conformity is prized over authenticity.

Healthy differentiation allows us to maintain connection and integrity — to honor our own beliefs and needs while respecting the otherness of others. This balance is essential for psychological health and relational maturity.

The Harm of Patriarchy

We also discussed the psychological and spiritual damage of patriarchal systems — which privilege a few (often men) at the expense of others. Patriarchy socializes men and women into rigid roles, creating superiority/inferiority dynamics that diminish the humanity and divinity of all.

Healing from these systems, Valerie said, involves reclaiming suppressed parts of ourselves — particularly the divine feminine — and embracing both masculine and feminine energies within us as equal and necessary.

The Wilderness: A Place of Growth

Brené Brown describes the wilderness as the place where we belong to ourselves — even if it means belonging nowhere else. Valerie emphasized that stepping into the wilderness, away from familiar systems, can feel terrifying because it threatens our belonging.

But it is also where we discover our wholeness.

Wholeness, she explains, is the integration of our full selves — gifts, flaws, shadows, and light. It is learning to trust the divine spark within us, to see ourselves as inherently good, and to approach life with self-compassion and love, even amidst messiness.

man on a journey

A Universal Journey

Though Valerie’s journey began in a specific religious context, she reminded us that these dynamics — faith development, differentiation, patriarchy, enmeshment — are universal. Across cultures and traditions, people encounter the same psychological and spiritual challenges as they grow beyond early stages of development.

Toward Wholeness

Wholeness is not a destination but a way of being — an ongoing process of self-discovery, integration, and growth. It means embracing the complexity of life and learning to trust the voice within, even when it diverges from external authority.

It means moving beyond fear and into love — for ourselves, others, and the mystery we call God.

Final Reflection

The wilderness of growth can feel lonely and disorienting. But as Valerie shared, it is also sacred ground — where we shed what no longer serves us and step into our full humanity.

The Invitation to Explore

As we navigate this journey, we are invited to explore our inner landscapes. Each step we take can lead us closer to understanding our true selves. Embracing this journey can be a transformative experience.

In this exploration, we may find that the challenges we face are not obstacles but opportunities for growth. They can teach us resilience, compassion, and self-acceptance.

So, let us embrace the invitation to delve deeper into our wholeness. Each moment offers a chance to learn, grow, and connect with our authentic selves.

The Path Forward

Moving forward, let’s remember that wholeness is a continuous journey. It is about integrating all parts of ourselves, including those we may have neglected or hidden away.

By honoring our unique paths, we can foster a sense of belonging — not just within ourselves but also within our communities. Together, we can support one another in this beautiful journey of growth and transformation.

Let’s take this journey together, step by step, toward a more fulfilled and vibrant life.